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Bittersweet yet cumbersom

Today is and is the day that was supposed to be Mike's 29th B-day. It makes the ones who were close to him think about what would today have been like if he was still here or what his prognosis been? Would it have been the same or would it have been similar with the same outcome? No matter what we all still miss him and love him and miss him the very same!!!!!!!

Later today Debbie, Tom, Sara, Tyler, and I all plan on going out to eat and getting him a B-day cake like I did last year and going to his grave and having a "birthday party". Call us crazy, but it'll help us all in our own special way and you'll never understand untill you go through something like this. I hate saying things like that, but it's the truth and I hope none of my friends nor their parents have to bury their husbands or children.

To start the day Deb came over and helped take Ty to school like she has been since I had Gradin! She and Tom help me out so much and I'm so gratefull to the two of them! They are lifesavers and I love them dearly. Without them I would be up a creek without a paddle to say the least! Tyler is going through a phase of mouthy 4-year old things, but hey he'll do the same thing again throughout his life just like every other kid!

I signed up to start school again at Miami to finsih my nursing degree and am looking forward to start! I can't wait to be done and focus on my family and settle done with my life.

Tyler has his first soccer game this Saturday! He is growing so fast and I adore him to death, I just with at times he would stop talking about the darn WII. He talks about how when he grows up and becomes a man he'll be able to play SuperMario Galaxy. Some times I laugh, but when you've heard it for the what seems like the 1000th time that day you just want to yell at the top of your voice and when you tell him to talk about something else he just looks at you and ask, "Why mommy?" All in all life if calm, with the things you think about. I tihnk about mykids and my family, and my relationship and whats going to happen and come out of it. I think about MIke and miss our talks and what we had. I miss the calls and the I Love u's. I think about what my future will have with Tyler and how he will be growing up with his new extended family and how I will try to do everything I can with everyone elses' advice that will be accepted but at time not understood on both ends?

That said,

Happy 29th Birthday Jefferson! We all still love you so much with tears from so many, but with the happiness that you aren't hurting and the love that is still in so many hearts here on earth!

Your Best Friend,
I I I- you know what that means.....


October 2011

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