Last night I was cleaning out one of the storage areas in the basement and found notes, cards, and pictures from 1999-2001! I found notes from Mike that I thought I lost! It just put a smile on my face. I remember all the silly things we used to do for each other! And in every one of them he would tell me how beautiful I was, how I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. How could you not smile! Those are some of the nicest things someone so close to you could say, express, or let you know! Life was simple then I suppose. We weren't married, didn't have Tyler, The cancer wasn't even thought or Dx yet, and I wasn't a 25-year old planning her husbands funeral in 2006. Life goes by so fast! Some people have no clue what is important and how to exoress to the people in their life how important they are to each other!
I want ot raise my boys with heart, compassion, and the ability to express how they are feeling in a situation. I want them to have the best in regards to education, life satisfaction, and family well being. One of my friends Jill told me that as soon as I get done with school our personal relationship will be easier to handle since I won't be as stressed out. I told him that last night at dinner and he's response was, "we'll see." I just want to hear something that makes me feel important. I miss that. I know I can't compare two people especially two very different people, I just want to be a priority.
But I still can't express enough Things are good, I'm just stressed and at times depressed just thinking about how I want my life to be? Only the future with GOD in it can tell us what is going to happen you know.
On a GREAT note however! The semester is almost over in school and I may be on the DEANs list for the first time! I'm hope so! That would put the jelly on the toast so to say you know?!!!!!? I was thinking maybe I'll get my MSN and then I'll know for sure I can give my kids everything they need! I think my long term goal with work is to work with Oncology with Children, they are so precious and innocent. I think I would be able to talk to their familes, not have ever been a mother, but a wife of a cancer patient. I was talking to one of Andy's uncles who was Dx with Stage IV Lung Ca. He's doing well right now the "govm't just won't allow him Medicare so it could help cover his medical tx. I remember Mike being approved within the first 2 months. He told me they don't approve someone until they have had the condition for 18-months. It makes no since to me how one terminal person can get it while another can't. I don't know all the details of what he and his family are dealing with, I just know what we dealt with. Life is aweful at itmes. But then again it all is what you make of it. Love you family! Trust in GOD! and express you feelings because one day you may never get to say it again! Write a journal like this! Make a song about what your dealing with! When it's all said and done, someone will find it, read it, and it can tell a story about your life's story, like the Casting Crowns song, Life song!
I want to end this by saying I hope everyone had a blessed and wonderful Thanksgiving!
P.S. Mary S if you read this, I just found the first Christmas card you ever sent us! Thank you! Hope all is well in Mass.